i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
