ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
