woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
