my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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