i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
