her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
