I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
