U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
