Buhtt sex?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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