My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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