I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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