they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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