Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
