my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
