Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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