it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
