You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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