she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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