I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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