Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
should my penis look like a turkey
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
