It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
