Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
