he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I have surprise drugs for everyone
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
