make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
