just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
