If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
