I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I have fence marks all over my body
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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