i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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