We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
