i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
