Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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