I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
