He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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