me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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