he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
