dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
