My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
