She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
