I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
