Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
