Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
420 ftw
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
