If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
