you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
