Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize