wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
