I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
