Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
