Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
