When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
