i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
