She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
