Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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