i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize