Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
