Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
