Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He? As in you personified your dick?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
