I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
