He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
