i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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